On 25/6/05 9:37 am, "Rose Humphrey" aos4@amont-info.com wrote:
Hmmm I can see a few problems. First, we need to make the reading eye move more easily along the text, and there are far too many pauses. So:
- drop the full stops after each of the first three lines, they spoil the
flow of the words.
I disagree, "broken flow" (for want of a better description) is a commonly used advertising technique, particularly used by Apple. You have two general statements about the application, then bang! The killer feature (that it is (or will be) available on Amiga).
An exclamation mark at the end of the 4th line.
Good idea.
- Drop the paragraph separator between the 5th and 6th, and replace the
three dots by a colon.
Change it to "Find out more at:" then decrease, but not remove, the spacing between the 2 would be better IMHO
I think you'll find it reads better that way.
Next, the problem is with the word "Microsoft". Not only is it probably TM or something,
That's a good point we'll have to have a TM on there and a small text at the bottom stating that Microsoft is a trademark, as well as any other trademarks this poster might carry, like Amiga.
it's limiting. OOo is available on a number of platforms and compatible with a number of popular office suites (mainly via RTF). I'd tend to replace "Microsoft compatible" with "Compatible with a wide range of platforms"
It would be more tactful too: you know how some of our people react to the slightest mention of the word "Microsoft"!
Huh? You are kidding right? Microsoft Compatibility is *THE* key feature to OO.o. I doubt there would be even half the interest in it if it wasn't for this. People WANT Microsoft Office compatabilty, people NEED Microsoft Office compatability.
As much as most of the target audience would like to run over Gates and co with a bus, the conext of it is quite clear, and rather positive. If this was Microsoft OpenOffice, then there might be cause for concern.